Thursday, July 31, 2008

Two movies have jolted me into rather serious considerations of what it means by... well, what things are meant to be.

Whatever Cpt Miller (Tom Hanks) was doing in Saving Private Ryan, I am supposed to be doing as a Platoon Commander, if in any case, my country descends into war-time chaos and decides that hey, "to have a man die, is to save 10 others". I CANNOT advance that beach knowing that a GPMG is firing in my direction. I CANNOT, at the flick of a finger, decide that you, Man 1, go there, you Man 2, follow me around that building. I am bluntly just not brave enough to charge into a battlefield, holding to the disconnected upper body of my battered runner or commanding a gunner with a hole in his face. The movie's overwhelming and real.

The Dark Knight blew my mind away. It left me with such compelling, conflicting and jarring afterthoughts. I thought there were so many dimensions to explore.

I believe I'm becoming kind of anti-social of late. I mean, the more the time it is for me to leave Singapore, the more it feels appropriate to be placing time in ice, to freeze the current, to melt and meld into something of the future. Perhaps that's why I keep delaying tidying my room, because there'll be a book or note somewhere in that cupboard that will thaw the ice and remould impressions. I guess I've come to a point in life when I don't need new things in my old memories, I just need the book to be turned to a new page.

I leave Fullerton in the same way. And what has been cast in the galleries of my mind, I love it. My superior turned from foe to friend, and I guess it was all a very unique, mind-boggling, limit-testing experience which I would not have traded for anything else. Of course, it consumed 8 months of my post-ORD life, but in a bizarre way, I preferred to be consumed. When comfortable with what you're doing, you can just go on and on, and when someone comes knocking on your glass-ice, you prefer to be in that state of being.

As I walked the streets of Hong Kong, I loved the bustle and the tinge of excitement, just that slight tinge, to "invade" into this new-found excitement, not kind of sure, but certain that this excitement does entice.

I'll never stop trying. Everybody out there, you still have SO MANY chances to DO something. Something that's going to make a difference. I mean before I die, I wanna tell myself that I not only JUST consumed so much so much food, cakes and food, and consumed so much energy and electricity. I also want to leave this world KNOWING that someone or something has been changed for the better because of what I have done.

Bye la, go kick someone's ass out there.

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