Jolly Folly, Mighty Morphin'

It's been three quarters of a year now. Today, it seemed like an end. Don't know why. I suddenly feel like reminiscing upon the past 9 months. I think this period of time has been THE most dramatic phase of my life, having experienced so much from pain to joy, crashed to bashed, weakness to strength.

I take so much joy from many a moment. And although I make no flashy delivery of a seasoned soul, I think I have grown. I think so. My life has been a story which is important to me, perhaps insignificant to the world, but I've enjoyed whatever I could. A story that I think no one wants to live.

It was also in this period of time when death occurred as an option to me. There were some times in life when I thought I should have just stopped and let go of everything. Such rich imagery of the mind one has when turmoil moulds you to be stronger? Weaker? A wiser player in any game you're about to start playing?

If I could turn back time, I would change everything about myself. I want to forget that life plays tricks on me, and live like a 5-year-old forever, never exposed to the winds and rains of the world. Too bad, growth is an unstoppable force. It makes you turn left, yet turn right.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, September 30, 2004 | Permalink

I'm so proud of A55. The whole class went for Econs lecture! (At least most of us went). There were like 10 more people from other classes around. Mrs Lucy said that we would be rewarded "duly". From the inventor of new words (Opporchy Cost and Necary) and new pronunciations (Via pronounced as VEEAHHH, Real Madrid pronounced as Reel Maaaaadred), I doubt we will be rewarded in any way.

I downloaded lotsa trailers to just watch. I think I want to grow up to do/edit/produce/make trailers. Amazing. Trailers are as important as the film, no?

And O yes to the maths people in particular, I don't think dirrty. The real perverts/weirdos are Michelle and Daphne. (and maybe Shariza). They:
> spew sexual gibberish ("How about finishing my sausage?", "You want my vegetable?")
> have the weirdest minds (They want to put me in a watermelon juice-making machine.)
> like to steal each other's food (Michelle has surpassed Jiehui in her daylight business-like soliciting of food. Her favourite start line is "How about sharing with me some of your....")
> are somewhat infected with the "you-very-bad" virus (thanks to a ruthless someone in class who just loves to think everyone hates him/her.)
> like to drink tea. (not to mention a daily commentary about the innocent cup of liquid, like the sweetness, the black-faceness of the coffee Auntie, the correct way to stir the tea to look high-class and the list goes on)

A well, on the contrary, Geogers are very logical. (Insertion after further thought: Yar, quite logical.)

The morning sun was pretty warm. Had a jog at East Coast during the first 5 empty periods. I fell asleep on the breakwater. I liked the sea today, the sound of waves crashing into the rocks, the joggers that run in exact opposite directions like MRT trains, the feeling of sand rubbing against my body and the sight of faraway boats that seem to be equidistant from the shores.

Somehow when I first arrived, I thought of Geog. The coast. Erosion, ermmm spits, and backwash and dunno what.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, September 28, 2004 | Permalink

I finally decided to detach myself from a week of mugging Econs and Geog to sitting down to appreciate Evelyn Waugh. Ultra flop. What appreciate? Writers are nonsense. They make no sense. My eyes are like popping out. That kind of lethargy where you have to wink for 5 seconds before you open your eyes to find a blur in front of you and a fainting sensation twirling in your head.

Zhan Hui and I shared a good convo today about brooms and dustbins. Apparently Zhan Hui has sung a duet with someone, a duet about brooms. Interesting, but we were saying that we never noticed brooms at the front of the classroom. We use dustbins and take them for granted because they are strategically there, so we don't ponder upon the various rubbish-throwing possibilites should they not be there. In the case of broom, we can't take that for granted because we don't even use them in the first place. Such pampered kids of the 21st century.

"Don't call me a broom,
A broom that cleans your room.
Dump me there,
Don't you dare!!!"

Wimbledon and First Daughter seem like super shiok movies to watch. It's amazing how many versions of love people can come up with.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, September 27, 2004 | Permalink

Sundays are very thought-provoking days. People go to church. They listen to sermons (I lack an arsenal of vocabulary for the religious world), they get into their cell groups, and they have fun. They share woes and joys together in the name of God. That's my impression of the Christian faith. Something which seems so sacred and out of reach. Pardon me if I'm wrong. I free-think in a very liberal manner.

Sundays are very bright days. The sun is high all the time. And I love reading the Sunday Times in the late depths of the morning. I used to have raw eggs in milo every Sunday morning. But it's like a month since I last tasted some white and yolk. Ah well, have to make do with sausages, or oatmeal. Sometimes, my papa compromises on his sleep to buy back some dumpling soup or lor mee for our breakfast. Lucky boy am I.

Yet, I hate Sundays. They bring back bad memories. Theoretically and to some, Sundays are the start of the week. It's the end of my week. It's a wake-up call to be realistic, to be real, to be a human, to live life with my face high, to pack up the fallen pieces of the past week, to promise never to fall again this week. O man, what have I gotten myself into?

All I want now, is to watch a feel-good movie to kick off my end of the week.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, September 25, 2004 | Permalink

I shouldn't be blogging so hard. It's promos Brandon! Step on it!

I see the same people online every night. It's very bizarre. How some resident MSN chatters just disappear at this time on the year, at this time of the night. It seems like this promos is even more important than O levels. A well.

I actually had an afternoon nap today on my bed at home, on a weekday, on a schoolday! It's been 9 months since that last happened. Then, for the first time in history, for some weird reason, Tristan and I decided to play badminton and I absolutely loved the feeling. You can vent frustrations with the shuttlecock. It's just flies far far away when you shout and hit it hard. And plying front and back, that night wind brings some cool to our heated match. It's quite shiok.

Suddenly reminded of the end-of-year 4-4 gathering at Wei Ming's house. Somehow I long for it. For one, can see Medusa, our fav teacher (rite?). Two, can see 4-4 again. Three, I don't know. That place is very nostalgic. It's where the smell of Bee Hoon lurks, the sounds of PS 2, the sight of overdone crabsticks and barbecued chicken wings, the memory of endless nights there. Some time in October, I think that place will go mad again with us around there. Mad. And o yes, not to forget to thank our black, chaota Wei Ming.

Saw Hak Boon on TV for some Cat High Primary Programme. Some "Smile" Programme for the deprived kids of CAT HIGH Primary. I pity Tabithan and the other victims of his rule, they need such programmes, then they can go ahead and smile. This is an irony. "When children come to school, they should be happy." Ah ha, I'm glad he's talking about ignorantly unwise Primary boys who don't know what they want as their education as yet.

I sound so "bad" today. O yes, must have burnt my brains.

Posted by Brandon at Friday, September 24, 2004 | Permalink

10 reasons why I should continue living.

1) Life is so amazing. Like how things come in pairs in that same dim sum container outside the tsad room. Two Christmas ornaments, two discs, two batteries.
2) Life is again so amazing. I've been worried sick, thinking about something throughout the day and Shawn, of all people and all times, had to coincidentally ask about it.
3) I want to prove to myself I can do Literature. I want people to know that you can interpret whatever you want according to whatever you feel. That's Literature minus the exam constraint.
4) I realised a key to happiness - acceptance. Don't tug, let go, perhaps you'd win.
5) Life isn't that bad. Really! Perhaps sometimes only.
6) I can't wait to start on TSD practical tomorrow. I mean next year. And do so many more productions. And so many more performances.
7) I want to one day look upon the yesteryears and laugh. At my stupidity and naive thinking.
8) I have dreams.
9) I have a family that really cares and they shouldn't deserve such mental turmoil from my leaving.
10) (Perhaps I should be calm. Perhaps I should be shocked. I can't find a 10th reason.)

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, September 23, 2004 | Permalink

It's one of those days where you want to vomit into a toilet bowl. One of those days where you don't know where your life is going. What you're gonna do the next minute except stare at the computer and the room blanky. Loosely and somewhat aimlessly.

I have this image of a flower in my head today. With purple petals. White at the edges though.

TSD results back. Duologue: A , Group: C+

It's quite disconcerting. How this business works. I thought the group did well! But then again, different minds see different visions, different ears hear different evils. All of us were in one way or another, kind of disappointed, some more than others, but generally, we felt quite unjustified.(suddenly thinks of cry me a river.) Reflecting on the musical, I thought the process was more memorable than the results proved to be. The journey was really fun and exciting. We sort of knew the musical lacked that magical something and we couldn't find it, and we went on with it. I enjoyed it, and till now, that something is still a puzzle to me.

Surprise for duologue. Nizam and I had no idea how to speak Shakespeare. But we did it. Somehow. Theatre is accidental. Trust me.

I respect a special someone in class who suffers silently with no complaints, who speaks no words but mean so much, who cares and who understands. Noble.

And yes! I've decided to do DS! Ideas brimming and can't wait to start!

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, September 22, 2004 | Permalink

I am so proud of my new picture. Stylo.

And o yes, my new catch phrase, chin chee tao woo.

Brandon walks happily after a bath to the bookshelf. "Today I will start on Human Geog." I compiled all the materials I needed to study. ~gasps~. There are ALOT of things to study! And my first exam time-table I did yesterday is just screwed up now. I'm supposed to finish Human Geog in two days. Guess I have to push everything back, I think so much so that the time when I have to study for Literature and TSD is during the exam period. Too bad, such subjects suffer.

Today, on my way home, I salivated a record high amount of ermmm saliva, judging from the wide patch of liquid on my bag. I guess saliva flow is proportionate to fatigue level. And I have a fever now!

Screw promos. Screw it.

You are so friendly, understanding, caring and kind. :p

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, September 21, 2004 | Permalink

GOT TO PUBLICISE THIS! PLEASE COME TO THE PHYSCISTS! 22-31 OCTOBER!

STUDENTS BELOW 18 YEARS OLD : 16 DOLLARS FOR ANY PERFORMANCE (inclusive of sistic charge)
ADULTS: 32 DOLLARS (inclusive of sistic charge)

BEST DATES TO COME : 25-29 OCTOBER, evening shows

The scene: A classy Mental Sanatorium – a nurse has been murdered.
Confined in this institution are three rather awkward patients. One believes he is Isaac Newton, the other Albert Einstein. The third, Johann Wilhelm Mobius, claims to see visions of King Solomon. One by one, all three ‘physicists’ become murderers. As the play develops however, it becomes clear that nothing is what it seems...

Luna-id Theatre in collaboration with the Swiss Embassy is proud to present, the South East Asian Premiere of Friedrich Duerrenmatt’s The Physicists. Directed by Samantha Scott–Blackhall and a powerhouse cast including Sandy Phillips, Daniel Jenkins, Michael Corbidge, Kevin Murphy, Leigh Mcdonald, Claire Devine, Christian W Huber, and Sonny Lim.

With Sets designed by award winning Sebastian Zeng, Costumes designed by Cindy Hales, and Sound designed by Darren Ng, Duerrenmatt’s absurdist dark comedy will keep you guessing, laughing, thinking, feeling all at once!

Considered by many critics to be Friedrich Durrenmatt’s bset play, The Physicists, brings our season to a close and concludes luna-id’s exploration of the theme of UNCOVERING the dark side of human nature. Durrenmatt’s absurdist black comedy– with a touch of psychological thriller and 007 thrown in – examines the responsibility that scientists have towards humanity and the well being of the world. Written at the height of the Cold War, The Physicists remains no less relevant in today’s world of genetic engineering, Star Wars and weapons of mass destruction.

Written by renowned Swiss playwright, essayist and artist and director, Friedrich Durrenmatt (1921 – 1990), The Physicists was but one of his many award winning plays alongside The Visit, The Marriage of Mississippi, Fools are Passing Through, An Angel Comes To Babylon, and The Pledge, filmed in 2001 starring Jack Nicholson and directed by Sean Penn.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, September 20, 2004 | Permalink

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, September 19, 2004 | Permalink

The perfect setting

A large patch of greenery. Grass cut to equal length. A huge forest nearby, with a clear river flowing smoothly down the channel.

No sea to steal the silence, but light breezes to bring away the heat and take away our troubles.

Cattle being herded in the far distance as they race on the wide plains. Two dogs running after a bone, barking mildly. A clear blue sky about to break into yellow, cloudless and azure, with a pair of red birds flying into the horizon.

Food: Bananas, apples, chicken noodles with chilli and parsley, chocolate milk, fresh milk, strawberry milk, fried ice-cream, all packed into two dainty lunch boxes, placed in separate light brown paper bags.

A kite that floats on itself across the sky, forest-clad mountains 10 kilometres away. Once in awhile, a red sedan or jeep whizzes past the road that cuts the plain, and the blasting music infects our senses.

Clothes: Me, a white and black checkered shirt with sleeves rolled up, a long grey pants with leather shoes and a straw hat, her, a rosy dress with a flower on her hair, a silk scarf and a white hat.

I, biting a windgrass, she, running after a napkin blown by the wind, with her hair flying behind her.

A grand piano behind the picnic area, denoted by a red and white checkered picnic mat. A huge white piano with the cover up and the notes prepared. Or a glass piano sitting comfortably on the lush grass.

Occassionally, my puppies make sounds of excitement. We laugh.

O yes, we dip freshly plucked strawberries into hot chocolate and bite into them. We laugh.

We smell the red roses and bring back some especially beautiful ones. I play the guitar even though I have no idea how to. I jump into the river, I splash water all over. She laughs as she hands me a towel.

[sighs. snaps back to reality]

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, September 19, 2004 | Permalink

All my children of yesterday,
All my children of yesterday,
You left my heart and brought me pain,
When will I see you again?

O my wife of a thousand tears,
O my wife of beauty so sweet,
You sailed your ship and drowned to death,
When will I ever see your face again?

I see Ash, I see Soot, I see Dust,
But I feel so confused.

I see light I see hope I see the sun,
They bring so much happiness.
O when will I see you again....?

[A song that looks hideous from the mushy lyrics, but this song is important to me. It is a faint connection to the inner soul that is stuck to my body.]

Posted by Brandon at Friday, September 17, 2004 | Permalink

Today I saw someone at the bus stop. She was with her head down, a letter on her lap. She took off her hair accessories one by one, and her ponytail fell into a tousled mess of "three thousand silky lines of troubles". I felt so much like this person. I didn't know what I was feeling though. I deliberately walked slower so that I could capture this image of reflection.

I had to leave this afternoon. I could no longer stand the image that hung over my swollen eyes. No, cannot. Tomorrow's a Friday, just one more day to a two-day rest until all this torment returns like a ghost that haunts a piece of full-blooded human. There had never such strong an emotion to strangle me so tight. Although nothing was done, I felt everything that could have been done to tear me was done.

I needed some release. Watched The Terminal. Came out of the theatre thinking whether I could go home. Whether I had a home to call my own. My stomach was churning the juices that could kill what it was contained in. Felt kind of fainty and saw a mist begin to form in front of me.

I came home, shut the doors behind me, and a sang a song that depicted today's adventure. How nice. For once I felt what I was singing. I made no effort to mask any emotion, I was left to my own devices. The ice-cream I forced down my gut at 12 noon today was piercing me although it had been in me for more than 6 hours already. The song I sang was so real, I knew exactly what was coming out of my mouth.

Loosely attached to this soul that has had enough of the world's tears, is a souvenir that is of no meaning to him anymore. He knows he can cut right through it, and feel as if nothing has happened. He knows that he can do absolutely nothing to save that spark from exploding.

Today had been a bad day. I lived through it, and I make no promises about what will happen in an unknown tomorrow. I hope I see no image that brings evil to my heart. I know that if I could help myself, I could hold up the sky and say I belong to the world.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, September 16, 2004 | Permalink

Group piece. What can I say? Good? Bad?

All glad it's over. I think we had fun, which was great! Damn sad, but what to do? Will never get to see Ash, Soot, Dust or Nanny anymore.

Song lines stuck to my head:
"O We're hungry and thirsty."
"They bring so much happiness..."
"It's morning again, it's morning again!"
"She's an evil woman!!!"

Haiz, will never forget this musical. It's nostalgic to think of it now, even though a few hours ago, we were still freaking out. Look out for duologue tomorrow, I have no feeling about it whatsoever. It sucks to say this but I hate Shakespeare. It's beyond human reach.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, September 14, 2004 | Permalink

"I see light I see hope I see the sun"

Today I lurked around in school. I was quite disappointed with group I guess, not with the people or myself but with the whole ermmm thing. Very frustrating and there seems to be SO many things to do. And today, I felt an urge to JUST STOP, lie on the floor, say no to everything, ask every freakin' passer-by to just leave my bloody body alone. I almost died. I pity myself... This musical... Ohhh hooo...

I am absolutely tone deaf.

I'm over 70 kg - I realised after weighing myself on a weighing scale that somehow fell out of my storeroom. "What's the matter with matter when it doesn't really matter?"

My brain must be burnt, but then again, if it was, I wouldn't be writing sane things here. But then again, you could think otherwise.

Arhhhh, whatever I'm writing...

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, September 11, 2004 | Permalink

I GOT THE ROLE!!! The Physicist!!! Ecstatic and marvellously surprised.

Apparently this is YET another non-speaking role (sighz...). I'm in this asylum once again and I'm supposed to have no lines. I felt like laughing when I heard that. It was all too funny. Drinkwater!!!

Rehearsals clash with promos big time, but I guess I'll handle it with mettle and fortitude. Actually quite scared eh, but screw it, this chance doesn't come very often.

My new ambition is to speak on stage.

Ushered for The Good Citizen tonight. Liked the show, gooooooood acting, but I wasn't utterly impressed with Dick Lee's script. It's quite boring, I'd say, the dialogues, almost cliched. I guess I'd never take a stab at script-writing, it's just mad. I was trying to figure how I'd write a script, whether I could write something like The Good Citizen. I almost sank into my seat when I realised how damn hard it was. And it's a 2-hour play. Sob.

DICK Lee was in the theatre watching the play he wrote. As usual, such dua pai people come in late, 45 minutes into ACT 1, and just 15 minutes to interval. I had to usher him and his two bodyguards to their seats, resisting an urge to advise him to make his entrance far less flamboyant and less noisy. When it was interval, everyone was like staring at him as if he's an idol, but then again, I guess he's a big thing... I'm quite shocked at how different he is on TV and in reality. He is quite very effeminate (heck the spelling) / emasculate. With fingers twirling around and bobbing around, with that daphne-like laugh and huge jade rings littered all over his fingers. I was shivering.

Auditions for Young Co. this afternoon. Made a few new friends among those who came to audition. Could talk because we were around the same age I guess? And they are childlike. Very interesting to hang out with! It's fun, I'm excited! Yeeee ha! Good luck to Vivienne, hope to see you in Young Co.!

Tired. Group is really shaping up, man! Duologue, great great great!

Posted by Brandon at Friday, September 10, 2004 | Permalink

I just recovered from a 1-hour long search for my missing handphone. When you lose something, you realise how precious it is. You really don't know how to feel or how to react, but helplessly mourn.

When I discovered I lost it, I pumped my memory juices to work harder. I recalled the last time I saw it, on the 55 bus. As I alighted, I was clinging on to it, I remember so vividly, making sure it was with me.

When you lose something, you tend to accuse people of things that they never did. And it's never your own fault. I found my phone under the sofa, although I told the search party (ie my quite free family) that it could never be in the living room. Coz I don't remember anything happening in the living room. Anyhow, it still turned out it was my irresponsibility that caused what happened.

Just like how I found my sweater in the tsd workshop today. It had been like 3 months since I last saw it, and I had given up looking for it. Sometimes, when you least expected, when you never thought it would come back to you, it returns. The future seems to hold bleak, but I can handle it, no?

As I type, I feel kind of giddy. Don't know why. I keep shaking my leg to try to shake off that want-to-faint feeling. Sorry, gtg.

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, September 08, 2004 | Permalink

Samantha gave me a call! And asked if I was interested in a small role in The Physicist! The Physicist!

Confined in this institution are three rather awkward patients. One believes he is Isaac Newton, the other Albert Einstein. The third, Johann Wilhelm Mobius, claims to see visions of King Solomon. One by one, all three ‘physicists’ become murderers. As the play develops however, it becomes clear that nothing is what it seems...
Luna-id Theatre in collaboration with the Swiss Embassy is proud to present, the South East Asian Premiere of Friedrich Duerrenmatt’s The Physicists. Directed by Samantha Scott–Blackhall and a powerhouse cast including Sandy Phillips, Daniel Jenkins, Michael Corbidge, Kevin Murphy, Leigh Mcdonald, Claire Devine, Christian W Huber, and Sonny Lim.

Michael Corbidge - NEW artistic director of Young Co.!
Christian Huber - Director of Odd Couple (I once asked him if he was the Lightings person. He must be offended!)
Leigh McDonald - My idol from Kiss me like you mean it and Forbidden City!

And a superb director.

If I get this, it would be a mad opportunity! The thing now is promos. The rehearsals got some clashes. And she's still choosing the person for the role. Fingers crossed. I REALLY want this! Call me back please, even if the role is a mute, I don't mind. Hehehe...

Today, in a long long time, I spent my time at home. Relaxin'. Suddenly I thought of how my mum asked me to pull my ears, standing beside her as she pressed the clothes, when I was 6 or 7 because I lent my friend 10 cents to make a call. Whenever I asked her about it, she would deny it and say she never remembered. But kids don't forget things yea? It's so vivid in my mind. Also:

• Mum pulled me into her room one day when I was in Primary 6 or Sec 1 and started drawing on a piece of paper. She was about to lecture me about the birds and the bees.
• I went into the toilet in which my father was peeing. He forgot to lock the door. That's when I sort of realised where hair could grow, besides on the head and under armpits.
• My kindergarten had communal toilets. I had this weird, dubious impression that girls = small M, and boys = small sausage.
• I got punched in the nose when I was in nursery. It bled - all over my shirt. My grandma picked me up that evening and to her super duper mighty horror, she realised she had to wash off the hard-to-remvoe stains. :p
• My grandma used to steal/take/help herself to/remove/pack toilet paper from Northpoint. Every night, she would return, not deterred by any fatigure, but satisfied with her catch/achievement/accumulation/load.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, September 06, 2004 | Permalink

I am happy today. Really heartened. My evaluation went well. Mark and Carina told me so many positive things and I was really very moved, yet confused. Mark said he was blown away by Drinkwater. I was blown away too by that quite very sudden comment. I really felt quite shocked because he said I let myself down during the auditions for the show because I didn't know what I was doing and what I wanted, which I agreed with because I seriously had no hell of an idea what the script was about. I was just this blur plank of wood who would react to a sting five years after it came.

They advised me to move to a drama school, local or foreign. The prospect appealed to me because the idea of slogging my guts for Econs, Geog and stuff was not the most fetching. But after some consideration and just now, some talk with my parents, I feel what I should at least do now is to finish up to A levels then decide. My mum went, "As a parent, I would definitely want to see my son go to University." But I don't want to, man. And Singapore's education system really drives you to cement corners. PW for example.

But I did get the bad stuff too. Mark and Carina said I needed to open up and loosen up alot more, which I sort of expected. I'm very different in the sense I'm not the loud character in Young Co., whereas the others have very superstar, bright, colourful personalities, many, in my opinion, who are ready-made stars waiting to be packaged and sold to the industry. I feel very uptight too, very trapped when I'm with them but I'm sort of beaming with things to say. I understand perfectly why they said this and I think I'll just see how it goes. I don't think I should change myself, should I? It's all quite a fake business, I guess? But what can I do, I'm like that eh?

I think the reason why I'm so uptight in the Young Co. is because I don't speak fluent English. My words don't come in sentences. Somehow, my stubborn instincts tell me that things will be alot better if people were Mandarin-speaking. (Sad to say, few here even know how to) That's what I told Mark and he told me to try out for Chinese Theatre. I was thinking in my mind, No! I don't want to sing operas and talk with a China accent! I want to do English Theatre. Mark says he will introduce me to Beatrice Chia so that hopefully I can get involved in the next season of Toy Factory's productions. I really appreciate this exclusive opportunity and I want to grab it! However, something is telling me to hold back.

Actually up till now, I don't even know why I'm doing theatre. I'm crapping so much because I have no idea what I want. At some point of my life, I had told myself I'd never touch theatre again because I hate it. Yet I don't want to give it up.

Next year is A levels year but I want to very much stay in Young Co. This Young Co. TSD senior came up to me, knowing that I was in this dilemma, and told me, "Brandon, I'd be frank with you. I don't think you want to hear this, but I think I learnt and brought back nothing from TSD. I'd rather you stayed in Young Co. and learnt more than stay in VJC worrying about your practical exams." That comment stuck in my head for very long. I find some truth in it, yet I feel I definitely have learnt something from TSD. This was a highly untimely suggestion.

It seems like I've reached one point in my life when I feel like I want to return to K1.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, September 05, 2004 | Permalink

I looked into the mirror today and agreed with someone in class who said that I have a bo-song face, a kiam-pa face. Screw loose.

The aftermath of the PW mad (i mean mad) rush took its toll on me. My energy hit so low I actually went crazy. I just started scribbling Chinese words on a piece of paper. Words that came to mind, I just penned them down. I was laughing sardonically and I couldn't stop. In my memory, after 20 minutes of hysterics, I finally collapsed into a slumber on the canteen table. I felt like crying my guts out. It wasn't just PW, it was a whole mix of feelings from dubious sources that choked my logicality.

Tonight I receive my evaluation from SRT. How intimidating, like some release of O level results. I'm not sure, but I think I feel rather scared.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, September 04, 2004 | Permalink

Ahhhhhh. Production is OVER!

As much as I'm relieved, I'm beginning to miss Dracula already. Tonight feels a little empty because I'm not at SRT. For the past week, we've been rehearsing like mad dog and last Tuesday and Wednesday were the happiest days of my life. Although we had mixed reviews from acting to technical stuff, I felt really good. Leigh McDonald actually said she liked my character best although I didn't say a word! Samantha also! (director of Dead Certain) When I heard both of them say that, I was so overwhelmed I wanted that moment to last. It all felt quite magical. Leigh didn't like the play at all though. I really respect Leigh McDonald and I always listen to her comments which I find very insightful. She's very sincere and I respect her seniority. She made my night. Really.

And thanks to the Cat High and TSD peeps who came along.You all gave me a lot of drive to keep performing and not give up. THANKS ONCE AGAIN. Will never forget this.

Now, it's back to work. Yesterday night, my thumb actually cramped on stage on my last scene from all that vibrating and today it has gone all swollen. A mark, a sign, an injury I will remember a lot. This journey although so arduous, has been very fruitful.

Production changed everything. Indeed. We warmed up to each other and I'm SO proud to be a part of the Young Company. I sound like I'm dying, but I just want to let everyone know I liked every moment (well, almost) I spent with the company. God bless. I feel so blessed man.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, September 02, 2004 | Permalink