Jolly Folly, Mighty Morphin'

I just wrote a letter to myself on the bus. I realised so much more about myself, that I have qualities that words can actually describe yet also a lot of feelings that can be identified but not splayed out in definite vocabulary. Life has so much to throw away and so much to keep and treasure. But it's the saddest piece of prose I've seen in my life and I really pity myself for the shit I'm in. I can't help but laugh when I read it again.

Laugh. I always tell myself not to do the opposite of that.

I think the best writing emerge from ambivalence and madness. And I think I've found a portrait of words painting me when writing this letter:

Brandon
A fool of trickery
A player of destruction
A fountain of no water

Anyway, as a human, I've just completed LIT text exam, for which I'm possibly more confident than the other subjects, surprisingly. Ironically, I worry about tomorrow's TSD because I've totally forgotten the story. Totally Suddenly, Crystal was saying,"Gallimard." I was like,"O yes, so that's the main character!"

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, June 30, 2004 | Permalink

The most thought-provoking poem can't describe my feelings now. Suddenly, you put down your Decline and Fall book, look out of the window with grilles pulled open, and wonder, "What the hell am I doing in this world?"

Few Cat High guys play soccer on the green grass, some policemen stroll the pavements, a scarlet red lorry snails past. I wonder why at 2pm today, I was forcing myself to write relentlessly, a decent piece of Geography essay in an exam that would have no repercussion on my future, despite the pain I felt in my numb fingers. Why did I turn down an offer to have dinner tonight? Why did I choose not to nap but watch news? Why did my family leave for Malaysia without me? A lady with a basket of grocery saunters home as she waves to a neighbour, two girls play a poor game of badminton, the green light changes to yellow. I can only squeeze lemons at home and make juice out of apples and lychees. I close the fridge but I open the gate to see if there's anyone along the corridor.

Sometimes, it's hard to get what you want. Because you don't know where you will go the next moment you live.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, June 29, 2004 | Permalink

Geography is killing me. Volcanoes suck for a day.

Just a post to assure people that I'm alive. Or maybe I'm just too dead.

I don't know what I just said.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, June 28, 2004 | Permalink

I am damn pissed now.

30 minutes ago, I read Shawn's latest blog entry which said that I told Alex what happened to save my own skin. I am totally assed out. Just a minute ago, I returned to his blog and that part about me was gone.

Knowing me I have to say something, now that Alex and Shawn have cleared things up. To Shawn I have nothing to say. I was trying to cover your ass all along. Alex knew what was going on even without me telling him and of course I couldn't lie in his face! All I could do was to tell what I could, at the same time I contorted and trimmed so much of it and presented you in the best possible light. In fact what I told Alex wasn't true at all, believe me or not. I tried to pretend things didn't happen as and when you might be devalued in any way. But this is what I get. Sorry Alex, I'm really sorry because I didn't know how to present the situation to you without hurting you with all that sexual innuendo. I know Shawn you have your good points, but this quality of baseless insinuation hurts and annoys.

Right after I told Alex, I immediately informed you that he confronted me, thinking that you were a friend whom I should be honest with. And you sent me one of your threat SMSes even before I could tell you what I told him. As expected, you dished out your msn-block-people tactic, which is perfectly fine with me if that's what you want.

Of course, I know both Shieh and Shawn will hate me for this, but what can I do? I can't let people point their fingers right in my face and do nothing! But definitely I hope to have nothing to do with this matter anymore.

Posted by Brandon at Friday, June 25, 2004 | Permalink

I just want to squeeze a lemonade now. It's 2 and I can't sleep. Squeeze till there's only the lemon skin left to discard. It's an impulse but I can't find any lemons at home.

I think I have lost all feelings for Modern English after exposing myself to so much Chaucer. And you will not believe how much I hate it. And Decline and Fall is yet to come. Literature never tasted this bad.

Sitting at KFC with the old gang, relishing the last bits of the perfectly fried chicken pieces, refilling Coke and ice sneakily, quarrelling over sour plums, meeting more Cat High people in the same fast food outlet than any other eating place other than the Cat High canteen, sipping lemon sugar cane juice, scouring Sportslink for someone's gift, remaining seated for more than 5 hours, debating on the differences between an Art and Science boi, that's about all I did today.

The Apprentice is super boring. Average Joe made me think whether true love can exist between a beauty and an average Joe? I mean serious. In the end, it is the better-looking himbo whom she chose, over some average Joe. Shake your leg and think about it.

Posted by Brandon at Friday, June 25, 2004 | Permalink

I just realised that I've been wearing the same 3 T-shirts at home. The three I bought just before the Sec. 2 Australian trip to Perth. 3 for 18 dollars. Just a plain T-shirt with a left breast pocket. Then met Melvin in Australia and saw that he had the same three shirts. Damn malu, but didn't know him then. I'm glad the shirts aren't torn and tattered because they're really soft and comfortable to wear now. Seasoned.

I just realised that just a minute ago, when I scratched my back, a rain of eraser remains-like matter just dropped out from my shirt. The peeling! And it's really awful and weird because you don't usually get things falling off your body so easily.

Just watched World Idol. The results are rigged, but who cares, Kelly Clarkson's voice still rules. My ranking:
1-Kelly Clarkson - natural woman who has nothing for me to critique about, maybe she could have smiled when Kurt won
2-Jamai and Heinz Winckler - Jamai does the high notes so effortlessly. Heinz has a great rough voice
4-Diana Karazon - would be great if i knew what she was singing
5-Guy Sebastian - very fun-loving performer, real
6-Kurt Nilsen - hobbit appearance more appealing than voice, but still makes the cut
7-Alex - kiampa face, but alright lar. brown teeth a turnoff
8-Ryan Malcolm - very weird song, could have showed off more
9-Will Young - quite disappointing, maybe a little too complacent on homeground
10-Peter Evard - rock and roll not for me eh, didn't know what the hell he was doing

I ran in the park without my specs for the first time, and it was huge fun! There's this very dark track with no overhead lights, so I couldn't see what's in front of me at all. (Specs would have helped a little, at least I could have sharp vision) So I took it like an adventure. It's hard to see, so sometimes I only realise there are people along the track, like passionately kissing couples, when I pass by. It was surprisingly exciting for me. Deprived of some fun, you see, from all the studying at home.

I can imagine what I'm gonna do the Friday I end my exams...

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, June 23, 2004 | Permalink

Wei Shang is back from his US Uni. holidays! I think nobody around here knows him because he's a friend I got to know when I used to tag along with Mum and Dad at furniture exhibitions years ago when I was little. We would run around the hall with Tristan (IMM and WTC primarily) and play such silly catching games and laugh at practically anything. The aunties and uncles at the exhibition always hated our screaming and stuff, but it was then.

Never see him for years liao. And I was really shocked when he called last night to ask Tristan and I out. Just about 5 years and now he's even taller than me and tanned and muscular liao. And he has an accent. Then after we started talking at Macs, it was a very different feeling because the last time we even conversed was when I was like Sec 1! But the three of us were still laughing and laughing as we talked about school and stuff.

My next goal is to study in the US. :)

Then he said he wanted to go to gym but Tristan and I said don't want because so full, but this cranky lad insisted we went. So we hopped to Bishan gym and bought towels. He was like teaching us how to work out effectively and stuff because he's now pursuing his fitness degree in his University(Ermm, something which I will never take. hehe), then this 40 plus guy came up to us and criticised the way we were doing the bench press. Not say criticised lar, but he had alot to say about our body position, the number of reps, and how to recover. All that crap. WE WANTED TO CONTINUE DOING OUR WORKOUT, but this person kept rattling for half an hour about how we should be doing it. Wei Shang just walked off halfway, leaving me and Tristan stoning there as he yaked and yaked. I was trying to keep my cool because all that crap was getting on my nerves. "Thanks for your advice. Thanks anyway," I had to end the conversation.

Thank god. Now I'm totally shagged and I'm gonna hit the bed soon. He's leaving on Friday so I'll have to go send him off. And the super sweet, thick, malted chocolates he bought us, I'm gonna dig into them right after napping. Enjoy life arh. How wonderful how some people remember you and your brother after 5 years. But of course we couldn't forget the exhibition days.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, June 22, 2004 | Permalink

In the name of mugging, YY, Shawn and moi headed for Daniel's house. As expected and calculated, we spent about a decent 30 minutes on notes (amidst chatting) and 5 or more hours on PS2. Marvel Heros vs Capcom kind of too tempting as Samuel puts it. Played until I was so tired I took a delayed afternoon nap on Daniel's bed.

Had this super spicy curry fish head and yong tau fu for dinner. I love hot stuff but can never eat it without tearing or mucus raining down my nostrils. Dammit, my threshold for spiciness still remains at green chilli, which is uh-hm pathetic.

I want to migrate soon. Or at least study overseas.

Tomorrow I shall watch Moulin Rouge again.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, June 21, 2004 | Permalink

Thought of the day: People with whom you think you will get along VERY well at the first meeting are people whom you will learn to dislike or even abhore. First impressions NEVER last.

Great, how life just drops you a bomb and out grows a lesson which surfaces from nowhere. Was stoning at the living room. SUDDENLY, I thought of the NJ gate crash encounter. An image of Martin Chew pointing at you from 10 metres away with that face of disgust.

I consider breathlessness a massive thing to experience. It's amazing how something or the sudden disappearance of something can take your breath away. You suddenly realise how important that something is to you, that it can deprive you, that it can play with you. That is a high price to live with.

BRANDON - This word has accompanied me for so many years. Sometimes I feel really ashamed of it, and I simply yearned to do without it. Names are superficial things. It's just a dogtag you bring along with you. It has no value.

Another thought of the day: There are less than 9000 babies this semester. I hate it, but can people just START GIVING BIRTH!

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, June 20, 2004 | Permalink

Just back from a great night out.

Went to some Sakura Restaurant, which serves Japanese cuisine, buffet-style. My stamina for buffets has DROPPED drastically, but the food was superb, but got quite sick of it after a few rounds. Family time well spent to celebrate tomorrow's FATHER's DAY. Always had a thing about Father's Day. Years ago when I was a little kid, I would still write letters to my father and place them in envelopes. He would read them and laugh at me. Now, I don't have any idea what to do. I know my father. He's a great man and I love him. Imagine me telling that to him.

That's why.

Then popped by Wei Ming's house for the gathering. Nice. My father saved the day by bringing the remaining kids who didn't manage to catch the last bus home, home. Ironically, it was past 12 and guess what special occasion it was.

Morons
Hit the sack of blind meanders
Tell the tale of magic wonders
Plead with all the mercy killers
Could a bird save an earthquake?

Creatures of a thousand senses
Sculptures of a minutes' worth
"Pray thy Lord, PraY!"
Would you tear down a star to save the sky?

Silently rolling towards a you in mind
Patiently waiting for a reply in disguise
Crazily pushed into more than a lifetime
Tell me apple, why didn't you share your worm?

Here, in a bed so true
Here, on the island that breeds hatred
Here, of a mad era and time
Why should we smile, when you never know when you will sob again?

Here, a moron speaks.
Here, a mist lifts.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, June 20, 2004 | Permalink

Mr Ho Wei Kang sent me an e-mail today. Apparently, it is sort of a surprise e-mail for Victorian scholars to remind us that the mid-years are here. A "get real" awakening. Suddenly, I realised that hey, the exams are really, no joke, hahababa HERE! I felt a sense of urgency running through my veins all in a second.

This time, I really fear I'd fail. I mean, seriously, I think I haven't learnt anything solid that is substantial for me to answer questions correctly. I have yet to grasp what each subject is about and whatever answering technique there is. I do fear and I know it's coming.

Resolution: I have to study, even if it means I will not finish the syllabus.

I hate failing. I have to tell myself that.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, June 19, 2004 | Permalink

I say goodbye to I shot Andy Warhol this year. Gavin has LEFT US! And the project IS officially cancelled, which means people out there will not see any of what we had been working our guts out for. When I received the earthquake-inducing message, I tried reading it again. And again. Because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Months of preparation for the show will all go down the pathetic drain. First, it was Wendy who had to leave. Wendy! The only person whom I thought was fit to run the company had to leave. Mark left us hanging there and we sort of assumed he was gone. Then Debra came in and in less than 2 months she had to kick us goodbye. Gavin replaced her, and I began to have something against these Caucasians who sort of treated us rather callously and patronisingly. In less than a month, he also closed the door on us. Now, Young Co. has no director, and its members have no idea what is going on and what the future will hold. I am angry of course because we've had so many changes in directors, it almost seemed like a hotel where tourists just come and go, and we members sit in numbness, with no power to change anything. We had been working so hard for the show and this is what we get. I have lost faith in SRT. Now I'm lost. I can't blame anyone because I know everyone had their reasons for doing what they did. It's just that we were chosen to be victims.

Just heard from Marcus there will definitely be a show this year, but just don't know who will direct what. I am really sceptical about the future, but let's just hope things turn out well, and a Singaporean stands in.

To a someone who definitely knows who he/she is: I don't want to talk about what happened today. Let's just forget today. "come what may"

Posted by Brandon at Friday, June 18, 2004 | Permalink

I'm a toasted duck now. Spent the afternoon at Wild Wild Wet with Dominic, Alaric, Samuel and Joel. My skin is peeling like a scaly onion. When I pull back my elbows, I can feel the hard, crispy, pink-brown skin on my back fold painfully, as if slightly more force can already tear the skin. Under that blazing sun, and curry curdling in my half-full stomach.

Fun and more fun. Water is an amazing thing. But too few things for too steep a price, bet the place will turn obsolete in a few months' time. And it's crazily crowded. Must queue a few storeys to enjoy a ride that lasts less than a minute.

Watched AJ's play at Utterly Art. Eugene and Kelvin are really good actors! But it wasn't as good as the first time I saw it. Maybe it's the space. Then after the play, there was this weird artist/painter who entered in some BIZZARE way and spoke in such an ECCENTRIC manner and serenaded us with quite an entertaining yet thought-provoking spectacle. She talked about how society imposes too high a value on superficialities and appearance. It served to engage and it worked.

Sitting on the floor for the performance has caused my butt skin to harden. And it hurts. AWWW...

Wei Ming, if you see this, I hope you tide through this period of tough time really quickly. Calm down and your happy-go-lucky nature will guide you through very nicely. There's no use getting depressed, yar? Take care of your health eh, see ya soon bro!

Posted by Brandon at Friday, June 18, 2004 | Permalink

I swear I'm the most sleepy person on Earth right now. After a drama meeting at Jean's house, relishing her o-so-good rice porridge, I shambled back home like a dead rat, COW-HEAVY. Here I am. Safe.

WORLD IDOL and tonight's Euro match await me.

My horoscope today says that if I'm attached I should smile pretty. If I'm not attached I should smile really pretty. And it says it will come soon. I never believe horoscopes but I had to believe in this one.

I've been casted for Young Co. performance liao. Quite satisfied with the roles eh. I'm an old man, a policeman, a director and some friend of the main character. I AM SUPER EXCITED. A better superlative can be found to substitute super. Because I'm SUPER EXCITED! O man!

Crazy heat waves hitting homes. It's searing heat, mind you. And my poor house only has one small fan that doesn't cool me down even at the highest power. And it's making me more sleepy...

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, June 16, 2004 | Permalink

Ripped this off Jia Chuan's blog.

Your Secondary School : Catholic High School

1. nickname in sec school
Science Boi, because Mrs Tan decided to put me and Dong Yu as Science reps.

2. sport you were into
See, I was a Science Boi, so I wasn't into sports exactly. But I have loads of fun playing soccer with my friends, especially when they remember me for my headers more than any other things. That's putting aside all my grunts at missing a ball and my lacklustre skills.
3. had a gang of frens?
Had different gangs every year. But during the Sec 4 years, it was the Council buddies and 4-4 peeps.
4. best subject?
Higher Chinese!
5. worst subject?
English I must say.
6. a teacher you owe life lessons to?
Miss Thian, Mrs Chung Mee Choo and Mr Alvin Tan
7. a teacher you wanna kick in the ass?
No one. Unless the Principal is considered a member of the staff.

**Describe**

8. sec 1 year
Hopeless academic freak. I still cannot believe how I topped the level. Over-achiever, some say. Was forced to perform oops I did it again on Teacher's Day by Lim Sing Gee or by some peers, I forgot. O man!... O man!
9. sec 2 year
The Council Days started. Results wasn't a priority. A forgettable year. 2-9 split just like that and the class did lack some form of spirit. Can't blame anyone.
10. sec 3 year
The start of the all-so-memorable suah yee leng/melissa neo - dominated days. The beginning of the forming of huge bonds that still have not broken, and will not in time to come. Here, I was very much into oraltorical competitions in English and Chinese. Although I represented Cat High for many competitions, I always returned with nothing or consolation. Hehe.
11. sec 4 year:
The year that I will never forget. Hak Boon's propaganda of a Catholic High gentleman, O level year, graduation year, a time when you had to part painstakingly.
12. your best friend was?
My best friend in Sec 1 and 2 was Boon Kiat. Then I learnt to not have a BEST friend because things do turn sour when clashes occur. I only had best friendS.
13. your worst friend was?
My worst friend was myself because I ignored my own welfare for many things, council, studies, drama and many others.
14. cafeteria food that sucked?
Every stall sucked. Boi-yao-she-me, lai-boi etc. The biggest boo-boo is no fried CHICKEN WING! They even had to deprive us of fried eggs because we had a high level of obesity. And a poorly-ventilated canteen didn't help much either.
15. most hilarious school rule?
Socks must be exactly a distance of 3 fingers away from that protruding bone at the feet (dunno called what), all credit to Hak Boon again.
16. wore uniforms?
Yes, with heavy buttons somemore.
17. how was the prom?
Superb enjoyment and nostalgia.
18. who was prom king and queen?
None.
19. any achievements?
Getting to know such a great bunch of friends and knowing that we have impacted each others' lives. :) That was my biggest achievement.
20. were you popular?
Not really, just notorious for my shameless deeds and strange lingo
21. best song that reminds you of pri school?
Peixin Primary School song.
22. unforgettable pri school crush?
Had a few. It was mad because I thought of marrying all of them. I was even deliberating so hard as if my wedding was approaching soon.
23. most embarrassing moment?
Ooops I did it again.
24. memory you'd like to forget about sec school?
Bad blood with some friends. Things were resolved of course.
25. best memory?
Memories.
26. any regrets?
Joining Computer Appreciation Club, aka Computer Club. A sheer waste of time.
27. would you like your "future child" to attend your sec school?
No. I don't want my son to swallow his pride.
28. were the bathrooms clean?
Bad, if compared to VJ, but guys do their stuff quick, so holding our breaths for the entire duration was possible.
29. how were the lunch boys?
Great! Best time to chat!
30. song that would best describe your sec school life
Seasons in the Sun

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, June 15, 2004 | Permalink

It's a super mugging day for Brandon. I decided to start on Geography because it's a total shit crap subject to comprehend. Totally zonked out now. WHY IN THE WORLD DID I TAKE GEOGRAPHY? Then again, why did I take Econs and Lit, I hate them.

TSD clean up tomorrow at 7.30am! I'll go bonkers. These days, I've been getting up only after 10 am. How to wake up at 6 again? It's dread. Especially when you've started to grow attached to home again, and want exclusive time to just scuttle around in the confines of a flat. (I now have this image of characters of Sim City walking around in Fast Forward mode.) Poor me.

I downloaded Angels by Robbie Williams. A new song to stick by. BEAUTIFUL! Depicts this point in my life perfectly.

I'm the only person not casted yet for Young Co.. Shitmummum eh! It gets on your nerves when some people try so hard to get the good roles, by auditioning for more than 7, 8 roles, in hope that they can hit a strike somehow and dear me only auditioned for one role. Everyone's like super aggressive as if it's their only chance to show what they've got. Me waiting to be fed an ulu role since the large pie portions have been snagged up already. But I'm happy somehow because I know that I'll be doing something really great, yet I'm not involved in this complicated web of pushing and elbowing to get the main roles, you know, this bitchiness and fakeness. O man, ugly.

I will always remember this: There are no small parts, only small actors.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, June 14, 2004 | Permalink

Blablahblah.

Went out. And felt liberated. Catching up with old friends and updating each other on the latest news are relaxing things to do. Ate so much junk food that I felt so bloated and pumped. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

Wish list (which I suddenly conjured up):
1) A comfortable pillow that sticks to my butt all the time. I can't stand boils.
2) A carton of Sunkist orange juice. Grower's version. With all the super artificial juice sacs removed.
3) One hot steaming Old Chang Kee curry puff, with potatoes mashed and egg cooked to perfection.
4) A room to myself
5) American Idol songs blasting in my earphones
6) Bigger calfs

(this paragraph was written after 10 minutes of gazing out of the window) Stoning is a great way to de-stress. Green beans, red beans and black beans, SO FARNIE!

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, June 13, 2004 | Permalink

I think my life is totally fucked up. I'm not cut out to be assembled into society's machine. I'll be the last piece of shit that will be picked to fill up any insignicant gap in this bloody human race. I'm lost in a pile of decaying faeces.

What can I say? Not just another low tide or bad mood. It's a grimy world out there. I ask myself, how many times have I been genuinely happy before? I LAUGH, because I can't find any. What have I been doing with my life? I LAUGH, because there's no answer. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a useless fool who knows nothing about anything.

Enough said. I'm not in denial.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, June 12, 2004 | Permalink

I had to go to the park this morning. I missed the sun, sweat and action. I missed the sounds of birds and dogs, and the sight of green. I realised jogging/walking/strolling gives you so much energy and life. The huge tree crowns that provide such wide shades are a beautiful sight. There are people sitting under the trees, some drawing, some just sitting there with no direction, how poetic and unreal. Really nice. Reminds me of barefoot in the park poster for no apparent reason. Two pairs of legs on a fresh plush of grass, a male's and a female's.

Just back from M'sia. Had a superb time just walking around picking out good bargains. M'sia is just where you can shop till you drop. I loved the supermarket trip tonight, where I just grabbed what I wanted and threw them into the trolley. Nothing could stop me. I'm tired of (not in a negative sense) asking my parents whether I can buy this and that, especially when it comes to food, since they will say ok lor. So I just took what I liked. Packets of cintan noodles, orange juice, sushi, pizza, donuts and god I can't remember. In the meantime, they were searching painstakingly for the items on the shopping list that needed replenishment back home.

And damn the jam that seldom happened to us, which trapped us on a tiny bridge between two lands. But we had a nice time telling jokes, talking crap and just spending quality time together. Tabithan is getting so talkative. Tristan is getting more and more lame. And I sit there, smiling at how my brothers have grown in the times when I was hardly there for them at all. How sad.

I just realised there're just two weeks to exams. It's definitely impossible for me to finish revision. Totally impossible.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, June 12, 2004 | Permalink

What is love?

It is when volcanoes erupt for your sake, and folding causes so oblique a nappe, you can't turn things back like how an earthquake irreversibly destroys a piece of land. It is when the population stops in its tracks to witness how love can grow hydroponically. No nutrients from outside, all you need is inside.

It is when no amount of supply can meet the demand of a love that exists for an unknown reason. There is no price for love and the quantity demanded and supplied is infinity. Ceteris Paribus holds no truth as external factors can cause love to be marred. But in the end, the low elasticity will allow love to lead the way as there is no substitute for truth.

There is no irony in love. It is a hyperbole for passion, yet it is a reality of truth. You don't take any personas and you need no tale. Love is an inaffable topos with a million enjambements. Only with this will love not decline - and fall.

No fresnels can illuminate life better than the pure gobo of love. Bring on Stanislavsky but isn't love more real than realism? Bring on Brecht, but need I proclaim anything at all? Love is a DS that needs more than one skill to handle. Love is a costume with sequins, beautiful and mysterious. Love is a duologue that leaves the stage for two wanderers. Love lifts us up beyond the flies and over the wings. Remove the cyclorama and the bare skin of love reveals itself.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, June 10, 2004 | Permalink

One more day to the holidays.

Here I am blogging again... And god I have nothing to write about. I'm just so jaded.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, June 08, 2004 | Permalink

"Take my breath away"

Disappointment over the elimination is fading pretty quickly into history. What still matters most is that I feel good, I guess.

I'm damn tired. It's two more days! I can't wait! Then again, I know deep inside me, I don't want it to be over. Coz that's when I've to start digging into my pile of notes and start diligently preparing for my mid-years. No more staring into space and waiting for eternity to pass for slots that are hours apart, no more frequenting parkway that much, no more bubble tea overdose and no more theatre oosh.

To Nicole, I SERIOUSLY thought it was a good piece. HONESTLY. I think you didn't feel good because you had preconceived notions and high expectations of yourself. The piece didn't go as you had wished, but I think it didn't discount what you had done and your knowledge in your masks. You always present your masks very eloquently and professionally. I'm sure you'll do well. God bless.

Made my new glasses. It's my first plastic glasses. O well, hate my present glasses. They chip off too easily.

Suddenly, chatting with Wei Ming and hearing about the Cat High NJcians made me think again. About why I chose VJ. Thinking again how my life would be so much more fun if I were with my old buddies at NJ made me feel bad again. My life has changed, but the strange thing is I don't know if it's for the better or the worse. Knowing that they are all out there in an entity of their own with their majority numbers, knowing that theatre has driven me to vj, knowing that unconventional roads will never be easier to take, all crumble into a pile of mess. Mess, that's what I'm feeling. Teng teng teng teng teng. Bleah.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, June 07, 2004 | Permalink

My Singapore Idol adventure ends today. The journey lasted less than a day, heck. Haha, I must say I'm disappointed but you win some, you lose some. I was kinda taken aback coz I thought I did a pretty decent job with the song. But it's over and I've had my share of fun too.

Banana man Some joker, in a bid to get on TV, put on some awful banana mask and shades. Of course, once he stepped out of the toilet after changing, he was swamped by Idol officials and media reporters. See, how easy it is to get noticed. It was amusing though.

Bitchy Kelly There's this super bitchy contestant called Kelly who's kinda showy. Same group as me. And what shocked the hell out of me was when she got in! I'm sure this is no sour grapes, but she's damn superficial. Trying to befriend everyone by acting cute. Kinda weird when she talked to me. Was trying to keep a straight face, one that showed my interest in what she was rattling about. Was trying.

Patrick flop When queuing for my turn, there's this william hung look-alike called patrick. The officials and media and the host were all trying to get an interview with him coz he had great entertainment potential (here I mean being mocked on national tv). And I was there sitting with mouth agape, serving as a backdrop for his multiple interviews. I didn't know where to look, so I looked down all the time when he was being interviewed. It's really sad to see someone being mocked on tv yet knowing that he/she has no idea he is being made fun of. The producers are cruel people trying to squeeze pulpy juice out of innocent civilians out to pursue the Singapore dream.

Joel and Alex got in! Congrats! I'm really very happy for both. May your journey be a fruitful one. Good luck to Gen, Calin, Jianhao and Daniel who are auditioning very soon. Claps. : )

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, June 06, 2004 | Permalink

At 4.15, Daniel messaged me to ask if I wanted to go support Joel for Singapore Idol tomorrow at 9pm. I was like, hey I want to join. I can imagine how fun it would be to go through all this. It was kind of late already but I asked Daniel to check and see if I could still register.

Then I registered. At 8 sharp, one of the last badges of people being registered.

Audition at 6pm tomorrow.

I'm all excited. Song searching now. Heheh, can't help but giggle at the prospect. I know it is not possible to get to the next round but you can't imagine something more real than this. Played all these reality games, like AI, Amazing Race, Survivor, but nothing comes as close as this. It would be a nice, great, adrenaline-pumping experience.

Simply amazing.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, June 05, 2004 | Permalink

Open, eyes! open, eyes! O well, if you don't, I don't blame you. : )

I chipped my glasses again. You don't know how my heart almost broke. And it's a huge chip this one, but I can't bring myself to change it. I've used it for less than half a year and arghhh, whatever. I spent a bomb on this pair, not knowing the quality sucked like hell. Stupid glasses.

Have to skip Young Co. tomorrow. Darn. It's casting call. Never mind. Hopefully, I get a role. Pray hard.

I realised some people treat me really well. They ask for nothing in return. These are really good people. I wished I could have treated some people better/treat some people better now. I'm evil. God, I think I'm going to hell.

Posted by Brandon at Friday, June 04, 2004 | Permalink

I'm waiting for my birthday to arrive. And this year's birthday will never be the same again.

Just returned from my near 2-hour ride back home on 55. A dumb jam around the east area made the traffic move so slow I had to try my best not to puke. 2 hours! Absolute stoning. My bum still feels numb.

Went for slots. The seniors' stress level is hitting the roof. A few broke down today, much to my shock and horror. The business in TSD is complex. There's just so much bitching and fighting among people. Black faces, cold shoulders, piercing silences. Things can make this world less worldly. And theatre, this thing called theatre, I don't know.

O man, I just realised how short I am of time to revise for mid-years. It's a super race against time. And against laziness.

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, June 01, 2004 | Permalink