Jolly Folly, Mighty Morphin'

The clock registers 11.45pm. I'd just returned from 15 minutes of holding on to my handphone waiting for the sms reply in bishan park. It was indeed agonising. I'm writing this because I know I will never be able to sleep and I'd just be wondering how I'm gonna face another day. Dammit.

I understand.

I believe is seriously an addictive song. It's another of those songs that delivers so much inspiration and passion you hope it was a sweet, you could swallow it.

Back to trying to sleep. No mood to type further.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, May 31, 2004 | Permalink

My body is wrapped in at least half a centimetre of oil now. Just returned from supper at Ajisen. Creative funfair was utterly fun. Frying scallops sticks, fish fillets and tofu balls. Selling inedible, carbon-enveloped, raw fish to some dumbbutt at hit-bottom price, at the same time stealing the decent, sellable ones to eat although I was nowhere near hungry. Learning how to pour oil into a cardboard box and how to wait for power trips to be rectified. Meeting the Exco again was a superb feeling. A feeling of fulfillment. Now, I can never find this feeling back again.

The laughter. The nonsense. The pleasures.

TSD is taking over my life. It's beginning to feel draggy, almost lethargy-inducing. And those weird slot times that you love to hate. Tomorrow I have 4 slots that crash head on. Then I have 4 hours to kill before my last slot begins. How screwed up. Fishcake banana.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 30, 2004 | Permalink

Fantasia won. Heck. I'm ok with that. Just one puzzling thing. There's this song where she sits on the floor and sings her way to be on her feet. I don't see why the judges say that performance is good. It looks so void of emotion, and the song is a huge mess.

And I believe is a phenomenal song.

Watched this cabaret show called Sex and the Lion City in some Esplanade Restaurant after Ruth and I tried our luck for tickets. Still got a few seats. Great music and entertainment, although somewhat R(A). Haha. I was just wondering about the days ahead. If I ever remotely do theatre in the future, will I end up doing such low-class, less-than-professional shows that cater to hungry sexes? These shows are for entertainment's sake, to fulfill the sticky lust and craving that lick the soul on a lonely night. Met a few TSD grand (X 3-9 times) seniors there. Chatted for a while before leaving. Ruth and I were just discussing how dangerous theatre was, and how some types will never be casted for some particular roles, thus narrowing the scope of characters that he or she can play.

Finally we settled on a script at Young Co.. It's called "I shot Andy Warhol", an adaptation from a same-name movie. I know it's damn ulu but it's what Gavin thought had "a lot of dramatic possibilites". We also read another script but we felt it didn't challenge us at all. I personally didn't think "I shot Andy Warhol" suited me at all because of my age and life experience and stuff. Coz it's a lot of homosexuality, drugs, sex and dark humour. But got to try new things, yar? It's something I look forward to. In the end the company decided on "I shot Andy Warhol". I know roughly that I will be an extra type of character, like the reporter or policeman kinda role because the main roles are vulgar and rough, which SRT wouldn't be comfortable with having 16 year-olds do the job. Haiz. And I think they are calling my parents to ask if they allow me to do an R(A) show because I think there are some legal implications attached.

And still must sign contract. Gosh. As if I would run off halfway during rehearsals. But anyway... We sent off Marcus and Debra in a casual farewell snack. Good luck for whatever the future holds.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, May 29, 2004 | Permalink

Officially branded "Brandon Hole". For burning a hole in the AVA lights board.

Screwed up the lighting for group piece. It's really tough to do, with the confusion and all. I must have been banished into the lowest levels of lighting efficiency after faring much better in the prelims musical as the lights person. But hey, I know I can do it! I'm confident, which comes as a rare occurrence. Haha. Yes.

The Cat High bear costs 25 bucks, which is basically daylight robbery. And the banner just sucks, saw something like, "If you have the time, we have the homecoming." The quote is like what the hell!

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, May 27, 2004 | Permalink

Released at 12 o'clock for seniors' A levels preparation. But I was free till 4.30 until drama starts and the slots come in. So I decided to eat. Then I was free. Then I painted the jail bars. Then I was free. Since everyone else were just scuttling around busily without doing anything, I felt kinda bored and drained, so I went to East Coast.

Arh, you don't know how shiok it was. Just lying on the sand. I grabbed a nearby cardboard and rested on it. Slept for an hour, with the breeze whisking my body and the waves hitting the shores. ARh, how enjoyable. Really.

Then felt very dry and hot. I wanted, at that very moment, to jump into the water (though filthy). I really wanted to. Then I ran through my mind what clothes I had with me, whether I could go back school with considerable dryness.

Then went to the toilet, took off my shirt and my underwear so that all I had on was my pe shorts. Arh, when I went into the water, it felt so damn good. It was so cooling and refreshing. Exciting too, because I was kind of bare down there, but well not exactly. 25 minutes in the water, pushed and tugged by the waves, floating like a lost bottle, but the scenery was beautiful, although sometimes interrupted by tall buildings at the corner of the stretch of beach.

Tomorrow I'll be back at East Coast. Fun things warrant a second time.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, May 24, 2004 | Permalink

It's like a poison, just won't cure.

Spent my precious Sunday at tsd room, which sort of made my weekend more precious. How I wish I could just dump all my subjects and do theatre for life. I've got this image in mind, that I may not be doing theatre in the future, and it's a very likely possibility. My premonitions are always right. Stories of how some law kids turn into dancers or how some dentistry diploma holder go into the hair-styling industry just come to me. I hate to admit, but got to face it somehow. Theatre is dangerous.

That's all I've got to say in the silent darkness of the night.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 23, 2004 | Permalink

Suuuper tired. Energy sapped away, but I'm left with pretty much energy. It's the fun I get when I'm with the tsd peeps.

Last Night Performed drama piece for Nafa people. The three gold dramas, MI, VJ and ACJC were invited, but only MI and VJ came. It's the worst space you can ever find. It's smaller than a classroom and the air conditioners are uselessly dumb despite being switched to full blast. Performance was so-so. We watched MI's play and I could say the acting was average for the leading female and horrendous for the other cast members. Ghastly, so as to speak. Arh, don't wanna talk about it lar, damn hot, that's all I remember. After that, went to bugis night market to walk and rewarded myself with some things I've wanted to buy for some time. Felt great.

Morning Cleaned up tsd room, ate weird food at 7-eleven and went to bugis to source group props and costumes. By the end of it, I was so tired I couldn't open my eyes for 2 seconds.

Afternoon I never said a word today at Young Co.. I think everyone knew I was dead. The casting call is postponed to later date. I so want to be casted, I want it so badly, don't know why. We brainstormed on the genres we wanted to dabble in and new director Gavin will direct it for showing in August. We also did Artaud, Theatre of Cruelty, which was phenomenal. Absolutely fantastic. Brilliant.

Evening Did props. It was damn fun. O god, hanging out with the guns and butter people is just damn funny lar. Xi Jie and Desiree are simply full-blown jokers, Angela is just productive efficient, Cho is just pure crap, the Holy Trinity are just kids in their own world. How nice a family. I laughed my pants down (literally).

Desiree's mum gave a lift, stopped by her house to eat sausage and drink coke, then sped off in xi jie's parents' car and reached home an hour ago. Tomorrow wil be yet another tsd day. How I wish everyday is a tsd day.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, May 22, 2004 | Permalink

I'm back with more vibe and exciting things to tell! No I'm deluding myself.

2.4km A little surprised today. It's a long time since I exercised due to intense preparation for my monologues. Sedentary life, you can say it. So feeling quite giddy before the run. But managed 10.19s, which is near a minute leap from my past personal best. Got 3rd in the small group. Quite amazing.

SYF Gold! Sometimes, things come when you least expected it. I think everyone in drama deserves a pat on the back for their immense efforts and stunning unity. In fact, we're one of the three jcs in Singapore to get gold, which is definitely honourable. Was running my monologue on Saturday when Keng Phang messaged me about the superb news. So shocked I didn't know what I could say. Tomorrow, we'll be performing for Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. How cool...

Monologue Things do screw up at times, you can't blame people for that. You asked for help, so you had to be prepared for some major screw up.

Firstly, the cue (audience aplause, which always came for every monologue I watched) did not come, so I was standing outside the studio door, waiting for eternity, for the claps to arrive. I knew something was amiss already, but I still waited till someone instinctively initiated some applause, before I made my entrance.

Secondly, the air-con was not on. And it was damn hot, and I messed up my lines with that impatience brewing from the heat. The lights and the intense pressure from the audience took their toll on my body. I was already very frustrated with what happened before the monologue, with all that foul-up(not to be elaborated here), and all these didn't amount to help me in any way.

Thirdly, important key moments didnt occur. The action/sound cues just didn't come, so I had to make do and continue. Boy, was I disappointed. A few carefully planned moments just didn't work due to human error. Haiz.

I vowed that the performance didn't go as well as I expected. But I think everyone felt it was good, so at least that made my day. It was nerve-wrecking and indeed, all of us spent an "epic amount of time" on it, of course we ddidn't expect or want things to cock up before the piece, much less in the middle of the piece.

With that said, I rest my case.

Slots A levels coming up. I'm all ready for slots once again. : ) Guess the next time I update, it would be a week later.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, May 20, 2004 | Permalink

Group piece going well. Marked progress. Listening to Lynn, Daphne and Calin sing together was kind of weird, but refreshing a novelty. Love musicals. The greatness of "Unwell" was conjured when I heard similar tunes from the prelim musical. I bet this is one fun production to be in!

Watched Rebekah, Sharizah, Esmonde, Rashez, Raudah, Carol, Yu Hui, Michelle do their monologues. Everyone is like so damn talented. I don't know if the stress will do me good. I feel a propensity to procrastinate this weekend, when you are just unsure how you can manage to do well in this exam. It's intimidating, but I guess it's more fun than anything else to watch each other's theatre, and know that more than just you are celebrating the best thing that can happen to anyone on earth.

Tomorrow is one busy busy day.
8-9am: start monologue journal while waiting for delivery of cd
9-10am: travel to vj
10-11am: emcee rehearsal for ct council investiture
11-12noon: Helping Arika at her slot
12-1pm: lunch and rest
1-2pm: travel to SRT
2.30-5.30pm: young co.! (yea, I'm back!)
5.30-6pm: rush back home to get food for wendy's farewell party + present
6-6.30pm: bathe and rest
6.30-7.30pm: Travel to NJ
7.30-9pm: NJ food fair
9 onwards: Party at Marcus house, Wendy's farewell

Gosh, there's so much I doubt even I can remember what I'm doing tomorrow. But it will be a fun-filled day no? Hehe.

Posted by Brandon at Friday, May 14, 2004 | Permalink

Today is one boring school day. Wanted to sleep like a pig. Like a pig without ears so that it hears nothing that the world wants to call out about. Tomorrow, monologue exams start. I'm really excited to see the pieces.

Had Napfa today. Surprised with some results, but generally satisfied. Got a silver.

Shuttle run - 9.7s
Sit and reach - 44 cm
Standing broad jump - 246 cm
Pull-ups - 5
Sit ups - 48

Total: 21 points

Next week run 2.4km. Hopefully I can slip into the 10-minute bracket. Life's interesting with goals to work with. : )

Got scolded by tsd seniors about pathetic state of workshop and studio. I'm really guilty because I didn't return the small white studio lights back in place. Actually arranged to put back before PC lesson, but Michelle was using the studio. No damn time to put it back. But now, it's finally back in place.

Good luck to all for your monologues! As I struggle with the journal, break a leg.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, May 13, 2004 | Permalink

Tomorrow is syf. And we've just had a less-than-decent run back at school before dining happily at makan parade. Nobody has spoken about what we're expecting to get or are targeting to get. We're going to Chinese High tomorrow with no goal in mind, and we'll just try to do our best and re-create the best. Could gold be remotely possible or just positively elusive?

Monologue works in progress. You just don't know how stressed I am lar. Some people are having their exam on Friday, which is even worse. It's mid-years and the idea of flopping just doesn't sound good. But the most exciting part is not doing your own piece, it's watching everyone's pieces. Like a small mini dramafest, a small gathering of the tsd family. : )

Seriously drained, looking forward to a short break after syf, before wrecking my brains for my monologue next Wednesday. Here we go!

Posted by Brandon at Tuesday, May 11, 2004 | Permalink

One thing bonds the family together: food. Not that there aren't other things, but once we have the spare time where all 5 members of the family are free, we quickly jet off in our car to a good eating place decided by consensus. That's what I enjoy, the feeling of tucking into the spread of food splayed on the table, the feeling of togetherness.

After lunch, Mum and Dad dropped Tristan, Tabithan and I at the bus stop so that we could walk home and they go to work directly. The two of them headed for home while I excused myself for a walk in the park. I had lots of things in my mind. And a confused mind can't handle the load of assignments waiting for you at home, like Satan luring you into a never-ending pit. So I paced myself up and down a small circumference of the park, and just let my thoughts wander. I sat on the grass under the sun. (surprisingly the sun wasn't strong, the sunrays were comfortably warm) I lay on the grass, closed my eyes and let my body sink into the ground. And then...

I fell asleep! Woke up an hour later, luckily I wasn't burnt. Then I looked around me. The things that were happening outside my bubble as I silently watched. Things were happening, but they do their stuff and you go unnoticed. How stupid can I get, wanting to be noticed in a park! O my god, I must be thinking too much.

Picked myself up, headed home for a refreshing bath to clean off itch-inducing microorganisms that seduced my body for a full hour, to wash off all troubles that clogged my mind, to bring back the smile which will carry me through the day. I took a nap.

Went back to the same park to jog in the evening. Saw the very same spot where I slept in the afternoon. There were three pink-faced children flying a kite. Carefree, washed by the tame breeze. Ran back the same point in the 3km circuit, and noticed they were gone. All three of them. I walked past the grassy area, and like a little infant who had just received his gift from his 2-year-old birthday, I skipped back home, childlike. How stupid. How moronic.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 09, 2004 | Permalink

It was the night we've all been waiting for. We did not know whether we would earn praise or lose faith after the show. Ambivalent thoughts filled my mind as I peeked at the 3/4 filled PT from behind the wings. The TSD seniors were watching, Lofty was around, my friends could see me, the school was scrutinising every detail of the show. Most importantly, drama needed a firm recognition it never seemed to have secured in the past years. We needed a morale boost for syf and a saviour for our dipping confidence. We had to do it. Spirits were high. High.

The audience was really fantastic. Although they laughed at the wrong moments which came as unexpected to us, they responded pretty well. Unlike DramaFest in Cat High, they remained quiet when we were performing, no cat calls too.

The curtains drew to a close. The cast and crew knew that we had done rather well, but we never expected people to be so enamoured of the play. It was satisfying, everyone was so hyped up, clicking away with their cameras and smiling with immense joy. We received great comments.

We celebrated Kenneth's birthday at the Language Lab, had the best cheesecake everyone had in their lives and went home a dead soul. But yet a happy soul.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 09, 2004 | Permalink

Went to AJ to watch their SYF preview with Boon Kiat, Ruth and Christine. I sort of felt the energy permeating the theatre, kind of high and strong. Expected a really good performance. I guess it was good. Blocking was average, no huge surprises, but physicality was exceptional. Comparing it to our VJ drama club play, I think they win alone in acting. I just don't know what to say about the VJ cast. They're great people, but we just lack some form of motivation and target. AJ's script is cool, but not really edgy enough. VJ's script isn't as good to start with, but I guess edgy enough for an SYF entry. I seriously don't know, one minute we do really well, the other, we really suck. Hard to anticipate what will happen in tonight's performance, but the show must go on.

O, I miss Moulin Rouge.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Something that drives my life and keeps me going.

It's really scary how people are labelled certain names. To think about it, it's even worse when you don't know what some people are calling you, and you think you are not being treated with tinted glasses. But in actual fact, people hate you. People hate you.

Posted by Brandon at Saturday, May 08, 2004 | Permalink

Blogging at the school library now. So damn tired. PE awaits my bodywhich is left with no single ounce of energy despite having just eaten some fried noodles. Just realised first two periods free again. Dammit, I wish the weekends come faster.

Reflecting on my life again. I feel I'm too arrogant and I seem to have no regard for people. There is no way I can please everyone, but what can I do when I see someone I don't really like, when he/she just keeps breathing down your neck with so much enthusiasm that you are impelled to reply with equal exuberance? Always feeling this sense of desire to be all alone again, so I don't have to face the dilemmas of life. Let the wind air my armpits and let the rain erode my uncertainties. Smile again, coz you never know when you will sob again.

Sometimes I wonder why I indulge in art. Everytime, in tsd or lit class, when the subject of poets and theatre practitioners being depressed and withdrawn as they hone their skills and shape their craft, I do get the shudders. I simply ask myself, whether I fall into this category of people, seeking an outlet to redress grievances and release frustrations. I realised that if I went less arty-farty and more nerdy sciency, my life would have been a smooth and fine journey, and I'll die a death that isn't significant at all, and I will just disappear away from the eyes of the world, hardly noticeable. I shouldn't have tried to make a difference so I won't be disappointed and jump down a 100-storey skyscraper. I should have been more contented with life and made do with monotony.

Now, I don't even know why I live.

Posted by Brandon at Thursday, May 06, 2004 | Permalink

My CT is in trouble. Some jerk leaked out things he shouldn't have. I bet it's one bitchy fellow who purposely did it. If someone betrayed me like that, I'd have killed him. My life is at stake.

Dance and Drama Night coming along. Had an SYF rehearsal at Chinese High today. NJ had their slot before us, so I was looking for Bertinus or Melvin. Didn't see either person. I was so tired I was lying along the wings, causing major obstruction. I guess I'm just not serious enough.

Drama people say I'm too slow. React too slow. Understand things at far too retarded a rate. Lofty also have something against my mouth which is perpetually open. My lower jaw is just too heavy.

Had a great run today. Ticket sales not doing well. I still have 8 tickets. Please buy tickets from me, someone. 10 bucks, this Saturday, 7.30 to 10 at the Performance Theatre.

Posted by Brandon at Wednesday, May 05, 2004 | Permalink

Woke up in the morning for drama, thinking the fever would have seeped into the night air and I'd be fit enough to head for school. But it was worse. Too ill to step out. Outside I was burning warm, but inside me, I was literally freezing. Little shivers perpetuated my body. Covered myself with blanket and stopped cooling my forehead area. Spent my entire day on bed. Never felt that bad in a million years.

Must have watched the most tv in one day since the start of the year. To start things off, it was zao an ning hao. Then huang jing nian hua. Watched so many things I can't remember. I like Xi Lin Men, the 7 o'clock Chinese drama serial which started its first epidose today. It's a funny, close-to-your-heart kind of drama that is rather captivating, about the life of some fish and chip sellers (details included for vj people who may not even know there's a channel 8 on tv). The plot is kinda stupid but that's what makes serials successful, no? But can't watch it anyway, performance and syf coming, no way can I return home by 7. (Still, it's not as if I return home by 7 any day at all, so whatever...)

Half hoping I'll be ill for tomorrow, half hoping I could be back in school again. I miss school, heard that? No I must be delusional - again.

Posted by Brandon at Monday, May 03, 2004 | Permalink

Morning, I was happily blogging away. Now, Tabithan's flu has brought me down with fever and it went beyond 39 degrees in the afternoon. Shittish ass. Hate fevers. Let me sleep peacefully, not with a temperature running! Slapped my forehead with so much ice I think my mum took coke warm.

Tomorrow still got drama. I think I'm having an overdose of drama liao lar. They over-rehearse like siao. I'm always shaking my head when the director says, "OK, we'll have one more run." But can't say anything lar. I respect the director. : )

Someone messaged me to tell me I have been a great pal since the start of the year, and made this someone realise things. Made my day. This is one great friend I'll cherish. Such people are hard to come by. Sometimes, I ask myself, being the ineffectual and insensitive person I am, how could I have touched lives? Made me wonder my purpose in life. Hmmm.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 02, 2004 | Permalink

Viesta Soleil is absolutely a success!

Arh, I'm drained like hell, after clowning around in the haunted house. Immense fun! We received great comments and response from everyone and the queue, man, you should have seen, it was loonnnngggg. Highlight responses:

"Arh, arh, arh, don't scare me, I got asthma!"
"Arh!!!" (+not daring to walk past me for 10 seconds)
"Eh, don't so bad lar, they put in a lot of effort to make the house, don't step on him lar."
"AAAAA, I don't want to play already (X 6)"

And I think we are the top money earners! TSD rocks! Had some apples that tasted like Zappel, and then headed off to parkway to meet 4-4 hools. Talked till the cows came off, along HSBC Bank then ulu ulu went to suntec to buy discount sushi, and dragged our feet back home. Yet again, we were discussing Hak Boon's flop implementations of policies meant for primary school kids, the usual catching up with those not present, like Voodoo, Bertinus, Peng Fei and telling lame jokes about siew mais, bridges, da baos, thin men, crocodiles etc.

Posted by Brandon at Sunday, May 02, 2004 | Permalink