Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Haiz, 2004 is coming, and in a time when there are still tendencies to write 2002 when filling dates, in a time when I'm moving onto another fleeting phase in life. It really is fast. I could never had imagined how I'd gone through all these. I was just a corpulent TAF club member, appetite as voracious as a ravenous pig, just a lonely boy unsure of his prospects, just a childlike contender in the world called dreams. Here I am, living a life so extraordinary.

I guess I'll write some things that have been so memorable in my mind. I laugh when I write these quotes, but while some mean the world to me and have impacted my life, the others have made my day as I grow from boy to man.

::We'll support you no matter what your decision is::
My lovely parents

::LOVE ACTUALLY is all around us::
Love Actually

::Three wise men::
Madame Fausaat on Brandon, Hin Yeung and Bertinus

::Saving money in the bank is not saving. It’s ‘delayed spending’::
Chinese Varsity Debates Competition on the motion 'Spending is more worthwhile than saving'

::Lai, boy yao she me?::
Snack lady at the canteen

::Lai Boy…::
Peranakan Auntie

::The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return::
Moulin Rouge

::No tears are evil?::
LOTR

::Lonely Lonely Christmas, Merry Merry Christmas::
Shen Dan Jie by Eason

::TPPUA::
::If you fail to plan, you plan to fail::
Melissa

::The tribe has spoken::
Jeff Probst

::That was where we just came from, and you asked the man to turn around?::
::I’m disappointed, disappointed.::
::I can’t believe you came down with NOTHING!::
::You rippin’ us off!::
::Leeeeeeeenny! I’m tired of doing everything. You do NOTHING!::
Karyn of Amazing Race 1, will not be forgotten

::Bonjour Mademoiselle. Repetez apres moi, Bonjour MADE-MOI-SELLE!::
First words of Sec. 1 French teacher (Ms Vivian Ng, jia you!)

::Shen Jing Po, Bitchy, Bu Yao Ben, Shi Be (China StylE), Sluttish::
You-know-what…

::The word what is pronounced as WHOD, not WAD!::
Ms Lee Siew Moy, highly respected form teacher of Pri. 6

::Birds that fly, hard to catch. Friends like you hard to get::
Biography books during those days

::Forget-me-not::
More Biography entries…

::Ah Ma::
Mel’s rendition of addressing a stranger

::Finish the game::
Someone saying to his partner when his team is having a 9-point lead over the opponent, but in the end lost it to lose the match.

::Tai2 shang4 san1 fen1 zhong1, tai2 xia4 san1 nian2 gong1::
It takes 3 years to whip up 3 minutes of a performance.

::Yu qi yang tang zhi fei, bu ru fu di chou xin::
People who memorise jie jue fang fa should know this till the core.

::International miGRAtTion::
Spouted in Mdm SHaREEfah style

::I can make it through the rain::
The song through the rain etched in my mind, as I watch the eldds video, I'm moved.

::Stay humble ok?::
Pa-pa, who speaks no words, but is the best you can ever ask for.


As I write a new chapter of my life, I close one that has walked me through the darkest days. As I reflect and tell others' my story, I wish everyone the best of health and stay happy. Do what your heart brings you to. Goodbye some of my very good friends, you've made the way so much easier.

Went to Sentosa ydae. Could easily have been 10 years I haven't been there. Forget already.

I'd always thought Sentosa to be a boring island. Today, yesterday rather, what surprised me, was that it still was. Very badly maintained place, very old attractions, especially with construction detritus and ruckus everywhere, I don't know whether it's an attraction or some underdeveloped village. So much for the island's song, ISLAND LIFE, LOVE IT, maybe they should change it soon.

Everything looks so FAKE there. The beaches are man-made. The lagoons are so unnaturally divorced from the sea. The sand felt so cold in the sweltering heat. More and more buildings were shooting up, not new attraction spots, but rather irrelevantly and strangely, condos. Residential + Tourism + Commercial. Singapore seems so desperate for land that they are even nibbling some edges off this already very tiny island for bizarre purposes.

"I live in Sentosa." Weird?

The musical fountain bored me. It was a wow in the initial 2 minutes, later nothing seemed to interest me. What's so magnificent about some water splashing here and there for 30 full minutes? The lasers were blinding. The music was blaring. I didn't know why I was there for. Some Malaysians (at least they sounded like they are) were so amazed by this thing they remained awe-struck, mouths wide agape and clapping periodically, and took photos like they’ve never seen water in their entire lives.

It turned out to be a terrible outing. The only plus point was the serenity at night, especially when walking along the bridge back to mainland. You could feel your own existence. The buses whizz by, the wind blow against your neck, the sea makes waves, wow. Best time to think and think.

Monday, December 29, 2003

How could I forget to write about the last 4-4 gathering! Perhaps it was too late, perhaps I was overly obssessed with this typing thing. Yes, the gathering.

Hmm, I thoroughly was enjoying myself, with the maid sweeping in dishes of sausages and crabmeat. And chicken wings. And prawns. A lot of things lar, she really can bbq, I guess our frequent patronage did help her acquire enough experience. Komostaka MaBUteh! She always has this smile on her face. Nice. Very friendly.

Basically played the day away. Mahjong, cards, chatting about cut-off points and future prospects. The normal stuff. The gift exchange was kind of funny. I got a bear-bear photo holder from Shaun Tan in return for me giving Shawn Loh a photo holder. It was interesting. The gifts ranged from acrylic piggy banks to Gatsby hairgel to towels???

Before we left we took photos. Call it the last gathering of the year, perhaps the last one with that capacity of 4-4 people. Some left with no good-byes, others remained for somemore. What turned out quite lame was we, the kids we still are, played with yanhua at the nearby park. Despite trying so hard to light a match in a gusty, uncovered area, we still managed to sizzle up some fun. Andy claimed the sticks will produce so-called “sounds” when lit, with songs like “Gu Dan Lu Xing” or the CH School Song being played. So much for being lame.

Haiz, it was tiring but how many times in a lifetime do you have fun? Fun like this?

Stay the Same - Joey Mcintyre

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
Cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

{Verse}
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

{Bridge}
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

I’m so tired. Have been working from 12 noon up till now scanning some stupid English worksheets. It’s a full-packed 12 hour marathon except for a 3o-minute dinner break. I’m drained, angry, mentally and physically spoilt. So I guess I’m not the normal self, so if I’ve scolded you or thrown tantrums, forgive my short-temperedness.

I’ve got no life today, as if I’m not living. I’m detached now. Still two more days of scanning and typing and I’ll be done. Never to touch the scanner for quite some time. For what reason I’m doing all these, some of you may know. If you don’t, I’d rather you don’t.

As I work endlessly and tirelessly (or rather, tiredly), I’ve been repeatedly listening to songs too.

Eason (Seven)
Bought this album yesterday. Coz I thought I liked the songs. Didn’t disappoint. Very beautiful melodies. Not a large shouting voice like Kelly C., but a mild moving one with a versatile range. The love songs were great, but the faster ones flop. That’s all.

As some may know, I plan to audition for the Young Company, SRT. I’ve chosen my two monologues and two songs, but due to my sitting in front of the computer for one full day already, and more of that to come, I’ve really got NO TIME to rehearse and the audition is in early Jan. They are great choices for me, just that I lack certain technology to edit my songs and to remove the vocals. Am trying hard to acquire some help from Mr Wang. Hopefully, things can get along well, and I can start rehearsing by Wednesday.

Excited. But for now, I need to sleep.

:: Brandon tries to challenge himself. But he sort of fails even before it's half-way ::

Friday, December 26, 2003

How I spent my Christmas

I spent the last hour before Christmas at orchard, sashaying down the streets like an over-joyful kid waiting for 12. It was FUN lar, the only thing that it was really squeezy near Orchard MRT and it’s no worse than China Town during CNY. You see, people were holding on to those spray cans that either sprayed snow-like foam or those web material thingy. They were spraying at whoever they set their hands on. So obviously I got hit, and of course that was befitting of my image coz I was always the one to be tekaned.
The next day, it was early rise and shine before we departed for Batam, to what is called Waterfront City. A yar, people usually go there to gamble, but my family went over to shop and eat. The cheap prices aside, you will be so surprised to find that there are always more men’s clothes than women’s apparel. And you know my mum, she’ll always be there to grab the best buys... when it comes to the family’s stuff.

The best thing was the message. It was a one and a half hour oil message. That lady was so ROUGH! She stepped all over me. Bones almost cracked under her weight. She made her way from my legs to my body to my head and kept messaging my arse. Before the description gets too bitchy, just have to say it was very comfy lor. It was nicenicenice a Christmas.

I await the 4-4 gathering in the evening. It’s a long time since I saw the 4-4ians together for most probably the last time this year. I’ve not seen Shawn since that controversy ended. It’s time to see what happens.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Beat and tired after today's outing - this time with alaric, joel and samuel. Watched Love Actually. Before I get cursed by critics that this blog will one day seague into a full-blown movie commentary station, I shall just say my small piece.

3 stars out of 5. I loved the cryptic jokes and bold use of many suitably beautiful melodies. Not to forget the atmosphere of Christmas - the season of giving and receiving. That's what Love Actually is all about. Loving and being loved in return. No, this isn't Moulin Rouge. But there could have been more showing rather than telling and better artistic direction. Some scenes were too draggy too. Lameness hit its highest with (ok, you can call it lame enough to become funny) Bill dishing out a so-called number 1 hit, Christmas is all around, a spoof of "Love is all around". Turns out he's gay. Ok, I call that another form of love. Don't forget the statement the movie's trying to make :LOVE ACTUALLY is all around us. Any kind of love, indeed.

The songs are fantastic. Go buy the soundtrack somebody! Help me burn it! It's the season of giving!

I'll head over to Joel's church later to watch him perform. This is the first time I'm going back into a church since my kindergarten days, after almost 10 years of temple praying. But I shall let my soul be washed by the spirit of Jesus tonight. Before it strikes 12 tonight, I wish one and all a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS and have a joyous Eve. I will continue to pray for World Peace.

Billy Mack - Christmas is all around
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Christmas is all around me
And so the feeling grows

It’s written in the wind
It’s everywhere I go,
So if you really love christmas
Come on and let it snow

You know I love christmas, I always will
My mind’s made up by the
way that I feel
there’s no beginning,
there’ll be no end
‘cause on christmas you can depend

You gave my presents to me
and I gave mine to you
I need santa beside me
in everything I do

You know I love christmas, I always will,
my mind’s made up by the
way that I feel
there’s no beginning,
there’ll be no end
‘cause on christmas you can depend

('cause on christmas you can depend)

Oh It’s written in the wind
oh everywhere I go, yeah, oh well
so if you really love me,
come on and let it show
come on and let it show
so if you really love me
come on and let it
come on and let it (come and let it show, baby)
now if you really love me
come on, come on let it show
come on and let it show

Beat and tired after today's outing - this time with alaric, joel and samuel. Watched Love Actually. Before I get cursed by critics that this blog will one day seague into a full-blown movie commentary station, I shall just say my small piece.

3 stars out of 5. I loved the cryptic jokes and bold use of many suitably beautiful melodies. Not to forget the atmosphere of Christmas - the season of giving and receiving. That's what Love Actually is all about. Loving and being loved in return. No, this isn't Moulin Rouge. But there could have been more showing rather than telling and better artistic direction. Some scenes were too draggy too. Lameness hit its highest with (ok, you can call it lame enough to become funny) Bill dishing out a so-called number 1 hit, Christmas is all around, a spoof of "Love is all around". Turns out he's gay. Ok, I call that another form of love. Don't forget the movie's central theme. LOVE ACTUALLY is all around us. Any kind of love.

The songs are fantastic. Go buy the soundtrack somebody! Help me burn it! It's the season of giving!

I'll head over to Joel's church later to watch him perform. This is the first time I'm going back into a church since my kindergarten days, after almost 10 years of temple praying. But I shall let my soul be washed by the spirit of Jesus tonight. Before it strikes 12 tonight, I wish one and all a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! I will continue to pray for World Peace.


Billy Mack - Christmas is all around
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Christmas is all around me
And so the feeling grows

It’s written in the wind
It’s everywhere I go,
So if you really love christmas
Come on and let it snow

You know I love christmas, I always will
My mind’s made up by the
way that I feel
there’s no beginning,
there’ll be no end
‘cause on christmas you can depend

You gave my presents to me
and I gave mine to you
I need santa beside me
in everything I do

You know I love christmas, I always will,
my mind’s made up by the
way that I feel
there’s no beginning,
there’ll be no end
‘cause on christmas you can depend

('cause on christmas you can depend)

Oh It’s written in the wind
oh everywhere I go, yeah, oh well
so if you really love me,
come on and let it show
come on and let it show
so if you really love me
come on and let it
come on and let it (come and let it show, baby)
now if you really love me
come on, come on let it show
come on and let it show


Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Thanks to Cam, Wei Yi, Alaric, Joel, Mel and Jing for your X’mas cards and gifts. Not to forget Mugger’s and Hao’s e-card… They mean a lot to me. The words of the cards will not leave me for quite some time. I thank you.

From these cards, I realised something about myself, which I seldom reflect upon.
“You’re such a humorous soul!”
“Your way of talking and funny movements…”
“…bringing humour with your parodies and sardonics….latest of Shareeefah”

I’m not writing these to glorify myself, what so ever. People who know me probably know I’m not someone like that. I’m just glad, pleasured and honoured I’ve made people happy. It makes me realise I’m of some value to the world. Of course, there will be people who find my jokes / parodies / doings / performances / hosting / entertaining lame, second class, mediocre, but I live for myself and people who appreciate me as a person.

I guess what motivates me when performing, hearing laughters of joy and seeing smiles of exhilaration make my day. This sounds like bullshit, another lamer-than-lame display of ridicule. But do believe me on this one.

Remember you get nothing in return for performing, you only get the plaudits of the audience, which is SUPER important for an actor, cast and crew alike. It keeps you going.

Time: 9.15pm
Venue: House of Mr Alvin Tan
Event:
The Secondary Four Drama Boys are packed in a room, small but cosy. The computer screen in front of them plays a PowerPoint Presentation made by Mr Tan. It was about the memories of a club that grew from despair to jubilation, about the nostalgia that traces from Day 1.

Dear BLOG,

Mr Tan cried. Eugene was holding back tears. Everyone was looking so disillusioned that I felt bad I could do nothing to help ease that momentary pain we were feeling. As the familiar pictures of the EL boys traversed the screen along with heart-warming captions, it was hard not to let our minds slip back into the past, when we laughed and cried, saw through the worst days of drama, crafted such unforgettable friendships that never seemed to waver.

As I choose to reserve the right to contain my heartfelt emotions, I sincerely hope for all ELDDS boys, graduating or not, to stay strong and sane, and face fear in the eye. As my days in the club come to a agonising end, I hope you will reach for the stars.

Signing off,
Brandon with love, admiration and reluctance.

::Brandon is emotional. He really is trying to pick up the pieces and to move on.::

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (**** out of 5 *s)

Put it this way, I’m no avid fan of battles or mission quests. Or oiliphants. Or olfs. But I did enjoy it a lot. First it was the magnificent scenes of the great battle between the monsters and the humans (put simply) that snatched my attention from my bursting bladder to the big screen. Second, it was the many underlying themes sub-explored, camaraderie, love, supremacy, just to name a few, that I was enamoured of.

Despite knowing nuts about the trilogy, I ventured into the theatre with fellow Joel and Dominic having filled me in on the rudimentary must-knows of the show. Boy, I was glad they did. The characters’ names, none of which I know the full spelling of, were hard to remember. But heck, just go in! I quickly integrated myself into the storyline and I was captivated. I stopped munching on popcorns and nibbling my straw, with my eyes transfixed on the screen.

I can’t describe the scale of the battle as it was sheer awe that struck me. Kudos to Peter Jackson! (the director, yar?) You unknowingly feel breathless as if you’re in the sea of gaping wives (not that I make a wife or anything) weeping streams of tears as they see their men ooze onto the battlefield. It was both moving and gripping. You won’t get enough with my description, so go watch it yourself. : >

There was something I was thinking about after the show. Why did Frudo (I hope it’s spelt right) hesitate throwing the ring into the lava flow of Mt. Doom? And in the end decide to keep the ring for himself? Only to be seized by that little elf-like servant to the master. Why did he want to make the arduous journey up the mountain, contorting his body with that much pain, to eventually not want to give the ring up? If the director was trying to explore the idea of selfishness of humanity and each person’s desire to reign highest supreme, why wasn’t it done to greater depths. And Sam apparently did not respond at all to this action of Frudo. Why did the director choose to portray Frudo this way? Beats me.

But you will not want to miss this blockbuster of the season. Trust me.

::Brandon is morose. His temper fluctuates, he's a loner and makes you remember what you've done to him. ::

Homerun : * * * (out of 5 *s)
Watched the vcd.

Is it a remake of some award-making Iraqi or Indian film? Something like that. So when can Singaporean film-makers or at least Jack Neo himself, churn out an original script with some (ok, more) decency? (no comedies please, we've had enugh!) Soon, hopefully. I will continue to believe.

Ok. Put the buzz of Megan's win at the Golden Horse Awards aside. She did unexpectedly well in the movie, except for occasional inappropriateness in emotions, but the touching moments did work magic. Shawn Lee was kind of tragic, with lots of forced emotions. Not to mention unsightly protruding rib bones and emaciated figure, which are unfortunately a part of his character need since the two kids come from less than luxurious backgrounds.

The fuss, or rather conflict, is about a pair of shoes which was lost quite ridiculously when it was misplaced in a cart driven away mistakenly by some ulu people. So that was it. The whole movie goes on to the trace the events leading to finding the pair of already broken shoes, as the two children share one pair of tattered shoes. Weaved into this network is the intricate nature of friendship in which loyalty outweighs material gains, played out when the wealthy child of the village decides to give away two pairs of his shoes from his huge collection to the two poor kids as an act to seal their everlasting friendship whilst he leaves for england to study...

I guess my synopsis of the movie isn't quite convincing and doesn not 100% match up to the real plotline, since there are just so many details to squeeze in. That's where the problem surfaces. Is flooding the audience with every theme that is capable of warming hearts a winning formula? Not exactly. Homerun explores a wide array of themes, but only succeed in conveying certain ideas, with others not well exploited and dissected. What's worse, these themes are not abstract and are splayed out so nicely for the audience to savour, leaving no space for thinking and exploration. In simpler terms, the movie lacks depth, which Singaporean film-makers need much practice in. Still I believe.

However, I still render Homerun a brave effort and it was a huge step from the adolescence of liangpopo to prepubescence of i not stupid to today's maturity in homerun. If you are an amazing racer, the password you should type in your prompt is feeltheheat. Singaporeans should, anyway, be proud of a production that has spread to foreign arenas, evern garnering awards. I will believe.

:: Brandon is sarcastic. His words are not totally believeable. ::

Saturday, December 20, 2003

I guess I never knew it, but I found out today. Was thinking why I never thought about it earlier in my life. I thought writing about this is stupid, people usually brush off such comments like dirt on their shirts, but I guess it's the angst of living, not the beauties of living...

Anyway, I realised I noticed others' flaws more. More than anything else. It's like you never see how good that person you're with is, but always only flinch at his poor habits or misbehaviour or inabilities. Or mere lack of mentionable good qualities. I was asking myself the hardest question, "Am I that good?" I was like "WHOA, No way..." But I guess people also see others in the same way as I do, bad triumphs over good, all the time.

I was thinking about the cryptic nature of perfection. Sometimes, you seem to view someone as perfect and wish like hell you could be like him as if he's an inveterate idol, the very next moment, you hope you'd never had any of his characteristics... But as I wondered wryly, and secretly shuffled through in my mind my impressions of my closest buddies, I still noted (sadly) that they all had things I didn't like about. I guess no diamond is unblemished...

But the thought seeped through. The question of acceptance. The question of choice. Was I going to shun friends with poor personalities and weak strengths? I realised I'd lose everyone, and myself too. Not responding is easy, not remedying is easy, but accepting faults of others isn't. But am I going to live in my own world of solitude? I wouldn't want to.

Boy, as I reflect on myself, I cannot tell you how I regret many things I've said and done and the pain I've as a result inflicted on others. I know my mouth's to blame most of the time, coz spouting is the damned habit I just can't kick. But if I don't speak at all, its like trapping Venus Williams in a badminton court... Speak or no speak, tell or no tell, you tell me.

Friday, December 19, 2003

I watched Turn Left Turn Right two days ago with people like Samuel, Mel, Andy over at my home. I seldom got people to my home to watch vcds, but I just felt bored, you know that kind of bored, that holiday boredom... The thought of it still lingers. For the oh-so-romantic movie-goers, this flick is totally for them. For the practical and love-lacking, it sucks to the core.

I thought the movie was worth a befitting 4 out of 5. Kaneshiro Takeshi was ok, GiGi Leung was surprisingly convincing. And it was thought-provoking, the very least requirement for a movie to score an ace. Could the person you'd always been looking for, say for eternity, be remotely just be somewhere near? Just to think about it is pretty scary, something like searching high and low for a precious gem, which but is hidden with the least of secrecy, just next to you. You'd kick yourself hard in the ass, or punch at your own fate. Before you knew it, you're seeking into the deeper realms of desire. And to fulfill your inner wants. And that's exactly what the two leads are looking for, at the expense of contracting pneumonia, of switching phone numbers which smudge in the rain, of facing death waiting for The Call fom the other whom they know only by numbers and not names....

Other than the male-female repetitions in actions and dialogues that arise from their supposed telepathic similarity in thinking, which sometimes can get on your nerves, I liked the setting, songs and cinematography. If Takeshi was using his left hand to dial the phone, Gigi would be using her right. If the male has fishhead on the left in his lunch box, the female will have the fishhead on her right. Takeshi uses a blue phone and Gigi a pink one. Both are male and female colour favorites respectively, but in this common identity in their respective sexes, they are trying to emerge from the crowd to find the other. You know she's there near you. To borrow the cliche, so far, yet so near, I thought I'd felt that before once or even twice in life, but if I were to feel that in love, I'd rather die a terrible death. The songs were fantastic, further accentuated the angst you feel wash down your body as you see the two characters searching for the other, but to no avail. Yu Jian by Yanzi deserves special mention, the violin version especially struck a chord and tugged a nerve. I liked the the scene where the poems and music scores fell into the river and led to a romantic start to an affair one would beg for...

The ending left me begging for more, just a little more. The movie ended with am earthquake from nowhere which tore down the slab of concrete separating the leads who are actually neighbours who've NEVER met. They meet and hug in a boo-hoo reunion. Full-stop. The end.

I don't know what I'm rattling on about as I'm writing the above commentary, but there're just random thoughts from the touching movie. Highly recommended .Unless you don't give a damn about love. Or can't be bothered with out-of-the-world romance...

Hiz all. This is Brandon here. First post. Took me quite some courage to decide to have this blog, coz I thought my writing wasn't really impressive...Had a private blog, but I thought I'd go public...Just thought I needed somwhere to express my thoughts and share my life with the world...or at least my friends.

This is where you will learn more about the real me, from behind the stage, from every angle possible. I'd mention people in my accounts, sometimes good or bad, but they mean no harm or assault. It is not a menacing place to be, it's a place you can get in touch with life.

:: Brandon is extreme. He can laugh soprano style one minute, the next he's quiet and deep in thought. He can tell you to give things another try, two days later, he says he's gonna die. ::

"Do I speak for nothing?"

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